The word "MISS", always make me feel a little doubt when someone actually says "Hey, I MISS you" to me....Why? Because everyone can say it but...what if they don't even mean it, my heart always "whisper"...yea right...erm do you actually mean it? cause you don't really look like you miss me. Or is it just me acting like a pessimist person.The most common lie "I'm FINE"
Dear Blog, deep from my internal organ, I would like to say I MISS YOU and I MEAN IT!
4 months. the words in my head has been JAILED and SEALED, screaming to get out and be free....but there's isn't any time for me to unlock the bars that kept these words as prisoners...try unlocking the mind with broken keys...hoping that one day they just could be scribbled all over the walls and arrange themselves with the word FREEDOM.
How have I been lately? I'm FINE thank you, and how are you?
More than 120 days I've spent on the ground life of the ordinary Firzanah Kamil, who brushes her teeth after taking long showers, who always making her solo performance in empty classes and the one who likes to gaze on the sky more than she likes to gaze other people's eyes.Typical me.
Bumping into people everyday at the pavement to class,say hi to acquaintances and say hi to the walking fruits of my life are my routine.Doing the same thing every morning, only wearing different clothes and the same shoes to make a difference. I can tell it gets pretty boring somehow but, there was a day when I finally realized my turning point. the day I started to ask myself "Why didn't I realize about this earlier?"
Finding myself to get back on track,that's what I began to do....I remembered about my first ambition, to become an engineer...I've been surrounded by ambitious people, preparing themselves to meet their future careers and that made me realized how I wasted two years of my life doing nothing to posses a bright future. I accept the fact that maybe I wasn't born to become an engineer,my destiny already written on how my life would be, I don't have the power to write my own destiny that has clearly written for me and so I continue stepping forward on the lifeline that god gave me.
"The future is not our to see, Que Sera Sera, What will be, Will be"
On the very third semester of a Mass Comm student, I realized that I need to wake up and regain the balance that I've lost
I've learnt the meaning of Vision,
I've learnt the meaning of Ambition,
I've learnt HOPE
So I started studying, the thing that I never actually did when I had my first ambition,the thing that never triggered my passion before...after I met the three people that I could never think that I would be friends with, things started to change. I went studying until late night, dating books at the library and never give up on studying. They are the fire that burn the torch of my spirit that I've lost and I feel very lucky to be friends with them.
I never stop believing that there's a blessing in disguise and I think that I've made a turning point. I couldn't play any music instruments to express myself, the expression that can be heard beautifully only through those who can play the music but I know one thing that I can do best, express myself with the words that can add the colour to the melody, words that could form the lyrics for a symphony and that is writing.